To access Alyssa's Field Guide Plan Part One, click the "files" button at the bottom. You'll see her file displayed for downloading.
Alyssa, I would like to begin by saying that this was very well written with a lot of facts to back up what you are trying to explain. Not only did you state what was needed, but your statements had researched facts. I understand that your field guide will not serve as a solution to an ongoing dilemma, but is it going to be more persuasive than factual? If so, I think a great deal of non-bias statements have to be written first. I good history of the situation and exactly why the budgets should not be cut off should be explained in full detail. Explaining ideas, thoughts and opinions will only make the reader question. That’s why I really liked all the research facts you added. It made it sounds more professional and it gives the reader more direction to thinking what you want us to think. For example, when you stated that, “Starting from a very young age, individuals who are exposed to music are shown to develop neural connections necessary for understanding complex mathematical and scientific concepts.” this was a good addition.
Methods to raise money, I think this needs to be explained. The first thing you mentioned was raising taxes. For anyone who reads that, they will shut that out because who wants to raise taxes? I think that needs to be added slightly with less stress. Overall, I also really liked how you are going to formulate your field guide. It is very well planned out and direct. I think that the advantages of a music education should be elaborated a lot though. Good job and good luck with your field guide.
Yunmi Hong=)
