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To: Yunmi Hong, Colleague
From: Alyssa O’Toole, Colleague
Date: June 13, 2010
Subject: Feedback
Hi Yunmi! Nice work-I can tell you put a lot of thought into each assignment. I hope that I can share comments/suggestions that might help you to continue with your work on your field guide. Since you are the only person aside from myself that handed in part I, I want to take more time (& more words than 300) to provide feedback. I hope that’s okay.
Overall, your format was professional and well organized. I definitely felt like I was reading a report that would be submitted in the workplace-I plan on revising my formatting to be more like yours for next time. I also felt as if you had a lot of good ideas-so many that I am wondering how you will fit it all into the length we are required. If you do find you are pressed for room and want a second eye to help you pick and choose ideas to include or perhaps condense your ideas feel free to contact me!
My understanding is you are writing a field guide with the purpose of providing comfort or material that one can identify with/relate to. It reminds me in some ways of the marathon field guide we read. Call me crazy-but that guide comforted me so much that I was almost ready to get up and run the marathon myself. That is the same kind of feeling I hope you give your readers-the willingness and motivation to work something difficult out. So you may want to see what kind of language they used to put their read at such ease? Also, I was not surprised to find the word “stress” written on many occasions throughout your plan. My roommate at Ithaca College was a Chinese girl whose parents brought her to America at two years old. She is very much Americanized, but her parents are not and so they fight a lot about some of the things you briefly mentioned. She was always “stressed” at school or experiencing certain feelings as a result of what she was going through. So, I guess where I am going with this is, if you haven’t already made plans to, you may want to more clearly define “stress” or the implications of what is going on and the meaning it has to your document. While it may differ from individual to individual, defining “those feelings” more directly will give more for the reader to hold on to, identify with, find comfort in. For example, in your proposal memo you state “stressful and mind-boggling, the difference between 1.5 Korean-American generation and their parents, can we meet on mutual grounds?” as well as “little details that can be overlooked so easily can be the simple cause of stress, when trying to understand that difference.” Does stress for your reader encompass feelings of isolation, frustration, sadness, etc.? What are the implications of this disconnect between the 1.5 Korean-American generation and their parents?
I liked that you included the different topics that you plan to explore in depth in your proposal memo. Starting with the history of Korean people is a good idea-like you said a short-description would be sufficient. Since you are aiming to provide an unbiased guide-I encourage you to look at the topics you suggested and for every one that focuses on the 1.5 Korean American, re-word it to focus on the parents as well so you cover both sides. For example, “the various things that a parent will stress upon a 1.5 Korean-American”→”the various things that a 1.5 Korean-American will stress upon their parent(s)” and then to go further-why they don’t align-and the implications of this.
Your ten-question interview helped me to understand the issue of your guide the most. It nicely clarified terms that were pertinent to the bottom line and so on. One thing I might say that you are probably fully aware of already-is be careful since your guide won’t be based on “fact”-that you don’t incorporate bias or assumption. Be as vague but as direct as possible (if that makes any sense) because you want to make your guide general enough that both parties can relate to but honest in the sense that it will be learning tool too. So for example, “What describes a Korean parent?” This on the surface to me anyway, sounds like a dangerous question. Because a Korean parent is not one person in particular-and so to answer this you may have to use “stereotypical” thoughts which also could drive a reader away. I know if I were to say to my mom that she was a certain way-she may or may not agree. So it’s just something to think about although I know you probably are taking things like that into account.
I know that you said you didn’t want to use your personal experiences. I was kind of disappointed because I am very interested in your story. I know you have probably made up your mind but I will stay say that, as you said, there are probably many guides out there that cover similar topics as you. I feel that if you were to incorporate some of your own understandings you not only would be creating a completely original and unique document but you also would be able to provide the utmost comfort and assurance to your reader because they would know that you understand where they are coming from. When my best friends come to me for advice-I try and relate personal experiences to make them feel better-help them to understand things do get better, use my personal stories or stories of other friends to help them see how people have gotten through it. Maybe this approach is appealing to you and the purpose of your guide? I don’t know-we will see!
Lastly-(almost done I promise!)-I love that you are using videos! Wow, I would have never thought to use that medium of research. Pretty creative thinking. Your bibliography looks full and I am sure that you will only add to it as time goes on. Best of luck with everything to come and know I am here if you have any questions or want a second-eye for anything. My contact info is: moc.liamg|elootoassyla#moc.liamg|elootoassyla & (315) 269-5699 (cell). Awesome start! :-)
